Yugioh Omake Theatre 1
by misuko-ikumi
Summary: Bakura and Ryou are running out of money for food, mainly due to Bakura's obsession with women's lingerie...For 'next in series' see our homepage...


**Yugioh Omake Theatre 1 - featuring Bakura and Ryou**

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**Disclaimer: We do not own Yugioh. If we did, I think half of the cast would be dead by now.**

**Omake Thing 1**

"I'm SOOO hungry, Ryou!" Thief Kura wailed, tugging his Hikari's sleeve. "We'll have to sell something to make money for food!"

"Okay," Ryou replied. "Why don't we sell your coat?" (In this theatre, Thief Kura has a GOLD coat-thing, not red.) Ryou pointed at Kura's ELABORATE coat.

"WHAT!" Bakura screamed, making Ryou almost die,

"how DARE you suggest such a thing! You STUPID Hikari!"

Kura grabbed his own arm and started stroking the coat, murmuring something like;  
"Don't worry Coaty, I won't let the NASTY RYOU," here he shot a death-glare at his Hikari, "Hurt you. Now then, back to the matter of food. We'll have to sell something else..." Kura looked at Ryou. There was a nasty glint in his eye...VERY nasty.

"Kura? What are you doing?" Ryou asked, backing away from his advancing Yami.

"Come here Ryou..."

The penny dropped.

"NO! KURA NO! THAT'S ILLLEGAL! Isn't that called PROSTITUTION?" Ryou shreiked, but it was too late. Kura had got him.

"Whatever Trevor, Ryou! Have you ever heard of anything the Thief King does as being legal in the first place!" Kura retorted. "Now, you'll have to wear this..." And he pulled a red hooker dress from God-knows-where.

LATER

Ryou was standing on the street corner, shivering and trying to edge as far away form those creepy guys who kept looking at him and winking.

"I don't like this, I REALLY don't like this..." Ryou wailed quietly to himself. Just then, he caught sight of Kura running away with a massive roll of uh, dollars stuffed in his hand.

"Bye Ryou! I'll see you LATER! Bwahahahahaaaaaaaa!" Kura called over his shoulder as he ran away.

Suddenly a hand grabbed Ryou's arm. Ryou squeaked and tried to get away, then almost fainted when he saw a really scary guy's face really close to his.

"Well HELLO there," the guy said, looking Ryou up and down.

"IWANTMYMUUUUUUUMMMMM!"

**.:The End:.**

**Omake Thing 2**

"I'm SOOO hungry, Ryou!" Thief Kura wailed, tugging his Hikari's sleeve. "We'll have to sell something to make money for food!"

"Okay," Ryou replied. "Why don't we sell your coat?" (In this theatre, Thief Kura has a GOLD coat-thing, not red.) Ryou pointed at Kura's ELABORATE coat.

"WHAT!" Bakura screamed, making Ryou almost die,

"how DARE you suggest such a thing! You STUPID Hikari!"

Kura grabbed his own arm and started stroking the coat, murmuring something like;  
"Don't worry Coaty, I won't let the NASTY RYOU," here he shot a death-glare at his Hikari, "Hurt you. Now then, back to the matter of food. We'll have to sell something else..."

"Well what about one of your golden corset thingies then? They must be worth loads! Ryou (bravely) suggested.

"RYOU! NO! HOW DARE YOU! THIS IS MY MADONNA CORSET! the deranged yami screamed, hugging himself. I think we should sell one of YOUR things instead!"

"But I haven't got anything, remember! You sold all my stuff so that you could get that corset and that nurses outfit and that fireman's suit…" Ryou trailed off.

"Well, OBVIOUSLY because I am so much better than you, all the stuff should be MINE, NOT yours!" said Bakura, cockily, wiggling his hips in one of the most scary ways that you could ever imagine.

And then, Ryou finally lost it.

"OH SHUT UP YOU, YOU BIG, FAT TAKING-ADVANTAGE-R! YOURE JUST JEALOUS OF ME BECAUSE, BECAUSE - BECAUSE I'M MUCH THINNER THAN YOU!" the normally angelic side of Ryou screamed in his yami's face.

Kuras eyes instantly welled up with tears.

"FINE!" he yelled back, evidently upset. "If you feel that way! I'm going to Weight Watchers!"

He stood up, knocking his chair over.

"I MUST be thinner than my baka Hikari…" he muttered to himself as he wobbled weirdly out of the room in his pink fluffy stilettos."

Later, in the Weight Watchers Meeting

"OK people, we have a new person to welcome to the group meet Kurio!" (He changed his name to something more suited to his feminine side).

Kura smiled (extra scarily) and plonked himself down next to some poor innocent woman named Wilma. He waved, his claws millimetres from her face.

"Um… hi…" she said, remembering what the people at the hospital had said about being paranoid.

"So what the f are we meant to be doing here?" Kura said, glaring angrily around the room.

It reminded him horribly of the anger management classes that he had used to go to (before he killed the teacher and then got banned from the Circle).

"Well," Wilma whispered, so as not to disturb the Weight Watcher Leader "this table-" (she pointed to the one on the right) "has all the bad food on it. Those are what we can't eat."

The table was laiden with burgers, chips, pizzas, you get the picture.

"And these-" (she pointed the one the left, smiling) "has all the food that's good for us on it!" This table had fruit, vegetables and whatever on it.

Bakura stared for a moment, and then turned to Wilma with a look of absolute disgust. "

What, that crap?" he sneered, and reached instantly for a burger.

"NO!" Wilma cried, and tried to stop him, but it was too late.

We all know what Kura's like around meat of any sort (especially with extra blood).

There was a scream from one of the particularly fat women in the room, which, surprisingly enough, was NOT because of Bakura.

It was because just at that moment, Ryou had decided to drive through their meeting room wall with a bulldozer.

"COME ON BAKURA, WERE GOING HOME NOW!"

And with that he grabbed Kura and tugged him off sharply, shoving a random dog collar over his head, and attaching a lead.

He grinned sheepishly at all the shocked Weight Watchers, and then left, leaving the over-weight women in need of mental help for the rest of their lives.

"RYOU WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING! I WAS GOING TO BE A GOOD WEIGHTWATCHER!" Kura screamed at the top of his voice.

Ryou span round, tugging the lead tightly making Kura whimper.

"You just watch it Kura! I've had enough of you! And It doesn't matter how much you go to that club, Ill always be thinner than you! Mwuhahah--"

Ryou attempted a Kura-like evil laugh, but kinda choked halfway through. Then he went right up to Kura, stuck his tongue out at him, and flicked him on the nose.

Kura recoiled slightly, whimpering again, but as soon as his-damned-Hikari had turned round, he muttered to himself: "Thinner indeed! Ill soon be the thinnest person in the world! MWUHAHAH--"

"Kura, what are you laughing about? You know, whenever you're scheming evilly, you should try not to laugh in that way, because it makes you kinda suspicious…"

Kura growled and snapped at Ryou, who tugged hard on the lead to remind Kura just whose body he was taking over.

Bakura grinned as his lighter half turned back round, and started to put his plan to work.

He untied the straps of his golden Madonna-corset (yes, he was still wearing that), and then pulled them as tight as he could possibly get. Sucking his tummy in as far as he could, be retied it, tight. He staggered on, trying desperately not to breathe.

Suddenly, Ryou noticed that Kura wasn't straining as much on his lead.

In fact, when he tugged at it, there was not even a whimper coming from the other end. He spun round, his Kura-senses tingling, to find nothing there!

The lead was the leading up into the air, where, high above him, there was a half blown up power-hungry yami, flying.

"HIKARIIIIIIII! GET ME THE FING HELL DOWN FROM HERE NOOOOOOOWWWWW!" came a yell that Ryou guessed the whole town could hear.

Ryou squinted up into the sky, shielding his eyes against the bright sun.

There he could see his evil side, floating around, flailing slightly, but that was becoming increasingly hard.

His top half was expanding rapidly; his head looked like a giant beach ball that was about to explode; purple with the pressure of trying to stay un-exploded.

His arms, tiny in comparison, were being sucked into the giant ball of fat that was once his chest.

He looked like a giant Pharaoh-hating-and-generally-everyone-hating-spastic hot air balloon.

"OMG KURA, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Ryou screamed, his eyes widening (even more).

"I didn't do ANYYYYTHIIIIIING!" he shouted back.

Ryou felt like banging his head on the pavement, but didn't, for sanity's sake. Instead, he got out his mobile, and rang 999.

"Hello, can I have the fire brigade please?"

Ten minutes later, after what seemed like years of Kura calling out rude things that we must not repeat (for sanitys sake!) at Ryou, who was at least embarrassed, the fire brigade arrived.

Ryou began screaming "OVER HERE! OVER HERE!" long before the screaming fire engine had reached the street, he was so desperate for this interesting experience to be over.

And as soon as the first fire man (Barry) stepped out of his fire-fighting-machine he began to wave frantically too.

Thus letting go of the lead.

The lead that was the only thing that was keeping Kura from flying off.

So you can guess what happened next.

Kura flew off.

"HIKARIII YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?" screamed Kura, his voice fading as the wind carried him further and further away.

"Omigod, little girl, what have you done to your friend?" the Barry asked, dumbly.

Ryou, instantly forgetting that Barry had just insulted both him and his yami by calling him a little girl, started to run up and down the street, holding his head, and screaming "Whaddarewegonnado? Whaddarewegonnado? Whaddarewegonnado?" over and over and over.

"Oh well, looks like your friend's a gonner." Said Barry again, always swift with his helpful comments.

"WHAT?" screamed Ryou, stopping his spastic run.

"See ya! said Barry, waving, and turning to leave, smiling. Before Ryou grabbed his arm, and tugging on it harshly.

"NOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE THAT MORON UP THERE! HOWEVER MUCH I HATE HIM, HE CAN'T BE FLOATING AROUND FOR A HUNDRED YEARS! HE'LL BE UP THERE FOREVER!"

After Barry was permanently deafened by Ryou's high-pitched bawl, his fire-fighting friend Bob stepped in.

"Well… There is one way we could get him down." he said, scratching his head.

"WHAT IS IT! I DONT CARE! JUST GET HIM DOWN!" Ryou pleaded.

"Um, OK then, if you're sure…" said Bob, and, before taking out an air rifle, and firing at the big balloon shaped Thief King in the distance.

There was a bang, followed by a harrowing yelp and an awful whizzing noise, like when the air is being let out of a balloon suddenly.

And then, THUD.

Bakura had landed at the other end of the city.

But no matter how far away you were from him, you could still here his shout: "HIKARIIIIII!"

**.:The End:.**

**Omake thing 3**

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"I'm SOOO hungry, Ryou!" Thief Kura wailed, tugging his Hikari's sleeve. "We'll have to sell something to make money for food!"

"Okay," Ryou replied. "Why don't we sell your coat?" (In this theatre, Thief Kura has a GOLD coat-thing, not red.) Ryou pointed at Kura's ELABORATE coat.

"WHAT!" Bakura screamed, making Ryou almost die,

"how DARE you suggest such a thing! You STUPID Hikari!"

Kura grabbed his own arm and started stroking the coat, murmuring something like;  
"Don't worry Coaty, I won't let the NASTY RYOU," here he shot a death-glare at his Hikari, "Hurt you. Now then, back to the matter of food. We'll have to sell something else..."

"Well what about one of your golden corset thingies then? They must be worth loads!" Ryou (bravely) suggested.

"RYOU! NO! HOW DARE YOU! THIS IS MY MADONNA CORSET!" the deranged yami screamed, hugging himself. I think we should sell one of YOUR things instead!"

"But I haven't got anything, remember! You sold all my stuff so that you could get that corset and that nurses outfit and that fireman's suit..." Ryou trailed off.

"Oh stop complaining!" shouted Bakura, as his stomach growled loudly.

"But you start--"

"NO I DIDNT. NOW SHUT UP YOU INSOLENT BAKA!"

Ryou normally wouldn't have dared say anything back to that, but today, well, today was today!

"But then what if we stopped having that chauffer driven limo driven right up to our door every time we want to go out the house then?"

"WHAT? How could you even suggest that?" Kura screamed, while some shifty eyes came into the business (you know what I mean! Hopefully).

"And could you tell me WHY we need it?"

"I-- um, I Dont ask difficult questions like that!" Kura glared, unable to think of an appropriate excuse to use on Ryou.

"Yeah, yeah. Right, whatever" Said Ryou, marching out the door.

"NO WAIT! RYOU DONT GO OUT THERE, IT'S--" But Ryou never got to find out what it was, as at that moment he slammed the door in his yami's face.

Meanwhile, in some bushes outside the Bakura's house

"Right then men, this is the guy that were looking out for. He's the million dollar owner of Ann Summers, he is. And apparently his designs are worth thousands! If we could just kidnap him, then we'd be set up for life!"

A group of common thieves (not half as almighty cough as Thief King Kura!) were having a conference inside a rather prickly holly bush.

They were all staring at a deranged picture of Bakura, modelling some of his Ann Summers' gear who they had decided was going to be their next target.

Unfortunately for them though, Kura had seen them stalking him, so now he was extra careful whenever he went out (hence the armoured car being driven up to his door).

But he had not been able to tell Ryou about this yet, as then he'd have to explain to Ryou about the whole Ann Summers thing. And frankly he didn't want to even go there.

So here they were, hatching their four hundred and sixty eighth plan to steal the Thief King.

And it was also at this moment that Ryou decided to head out of the house.

Humming unsuspectingly as he went down the drive, he was off to the local hyper-market to buy some more cream puffs.

"Hey, is that him?" whispered one of the thieves. They all scrabbled to look at the photo, then glanced back to look at Ryou.

"Yeah, that's just gotta be him!"

"There's just one thing missing."

"What?"

"The small matter of that certain Madonna corset and golden coat. I mean that guy's wearing ordinary (if slightly disgusting) clothes!"

"Yeah, but I really don't think that our man has an identical twin."

"Oh well. Let's just GRAB HIM!"

And so, with a sudden loud rustle from the bushes, Ryou turned and began to scream, before he found himself gagged by a fluffy Bananas in Pyjamas toy.

And then, ten minutes later:

"We got him boss!"

"About time too!"

The thieves stood around their boss in their secret hideout (public loos actually) grinning themselves silly(er).

"Well, lets see him then!" growled their Boss, Barry, who was getting impatient.

He wanted the designs for those frilly pieces of women's underwear NOW!

"OK boss!"

The group of thieves tipped out the potato sack, sending Ryou head first onto the floor.

"Where am I?" he asked, regaining consciousness. "ARGH!" he screamed, as he looked up into the grinning faces of 6 incredibly stupid thieves.

"OMG who are you, why do you want me, where am I, can I go home now, where is BAKURA?"

"Excuse me?" said Barry, baffled. "Bakura? You mean you aren't Bakura?"

Ryou looked at the leader as if he were stupid (which he was). "ME? Bakura? DO I LOOK LIKE A TOTAL SPAZ TO YOU! DO I..."

And so Ryou's rants and raves went on and on.

Eventually the thieves got bored, and went to look for some other perverted money-maker to go kidnap.

And then, after a couple more hours, Ryou himself finished. And with a sigh, something about non one ever listens to me, he left the public loos.

"I wonder why they wanted to kidnap Kura anyway?" Ryou said to himself, not noticing as he passed by the latest addition to the chain store for women's lingerie. Kurabox.

**.:The End:.**

**And that, my friends, is the end o****f the first ever YGO Omake theatre. Hope you enjoyed it, and hopefully there will be some more productions soon! See ya soon! Love us x x x**


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